I’ve been quiet for a while, as far as posting goes. Heck, I’ve commented more on the Sign of Jonah than I’ve written on my own blog.
Well, I just can’t seem to get freed up inside to write about all the different things going on today. I’m having to devote my whole self into this time of inner trying. Bob Gladstone just preached a message on the Surrendered Life last sunday and it put my nose in the dirt. It should be up on the Fire website in about a week.
I’m just dropping you all a quick line to let you know I’m alive, basically.
It’s scary to have the lamp of God shine in you and show you all the area’s where you are in control and are argumentative against Him, even if you’re right. How can that be, you say? Well, I can find bible verses all day long to support things I’m doing or saying, yet the conviction to shut up or change direction or whathaveyou keeps burning against my “skilled” use of the bible. It’s funny to watch yourself argue against God with His own word. I wonder if He laughs at me….I would. It’s like when my 16 month tries to wrestle against me to get his hands on something when I said “no”. It makes me giggle. I hope God is giggling and not irritated. I’m too old and been with Him too long to be this un-surrendered.
What are the area’s?
That’s still private. It’s not some gross immorality, it’s actually in things that God has taught me how to do. You can get so good at something that He’s instructed you in that you don’t even need God to unctionize it anymore.
That is flesh, and that is death as far as I’m concerned.
So, pray for my death. I trust you understand the spiritual metaphor and aren’t thinking that I’m suicidal….
I trust myself more than God. Bottom line.
So I sorta feel as if I’m just laying down my arms until called by my King. There are things in me that motivate me that are technically right, yet it’s been hit and miss in the Spirit. By that I mean that there are times when after I’ve said something “true” I have felt convicted as if I jumped onto something before it was time….BUT I ONLY WANTED TO SEE CHANGE!!! I have good motives….and usually I’m so good at opening minds to see things that I just sorta figure I can do that whenever I want.
So I need to shut up for a while. I don’t know how long and I can finally say I don’t even care.
Just shut up and die already….
I know that resurection Life can only be given when death happens. I know I’m resurected from sin and hell….I know that…but there are other issues that need to go into a tomb for 4 days and get to where they stink of decay. I need to let my own “inner Lazurus”, so to speak, stay sick in Bethany for another two days, then mosey on into town with Jesus and let Him, at a time of His choosing, call forth a new man.
So here I go….
…love you all….
mark jr.
